10 October 2009

captain america (as represented by robt seda-schreiber) v. stephen colbert

This morning, Stephen Colbert, host of "The Colbert Report" & right-wing alter ego of Stephen Colbert, will be served with a legal document called a writ of replevin.
A writ of replevin is a prejudgment process ordering the seizure or attachment of alleged illegally taken or wrongfully withheld property to be held by a designated official, under order and supervision of the court. This type of writ is commonly used to take property from an individual wrongfully in possession of it and return it to its rightful owner.
In 2007, upon the supposed "death" of Captain America, his shield was given to Mr. Colbert by Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief, Joe Quesada.
As I am sure comes as no surprise to anyone, Captain America, aka Steve Rogers, has returned (“reborn” if you will) from his supposed death. More to the point, reports of his death were greatly exaggerated in the first place. It was under this false pretense that Mr. Colbert was “bequeathed” said shield, so it would follow that the good Captain’s shield be returned to him post-haste. I bring this legal action in his name, with the help of my brilliant & beautiful lawyer-wife.
Now being a poor schoolteacher myself, I am willing to negotiate with Mr. Colbert. I would think he would like to keep Captain America’s shield in his so-called “Eagle’s Nest” & I am willing to discuss terms by which he could do so.
I truly hope that we will be able to reach an amicable & fair agreement & we can settle this before it becomes an ugly & embarrassing courtroom spectacle.
I will let you, my dear readers, know of any & all progress as it occurs.
For now, here is a copy of the aforementioned writ of replevin for your perusal:
click to embiggen


legalfunk said...

Very funny!

Tegan Determann said...

Please tell me you are kidding. I love Marvel and like Captain America as a character, but you do realize that he is a fictional character, don't you? (As opposed to Colbert, who is just a fictional persona)

This is just... really sad. Not to mention that if you were such a "poor schoolteacher", I doubt you would have the muny to waste on such a frivolous lawsuit.

Robt Seda-Schreiber said...

Gosh, the Internet is a scary set of tubes sometimes.
Yes, of course, Ms. Determann, this is indeed a real lawsuit, & if it is not ruled in my favor in the lower "Circuit Court of the Marvel Universe", I intend to take my case all the way to the Supreme Court.
Wish me luck!
Thanks for playing; you'll be getting the home version...

Anonymous said...

This is delightful! Would you mind if I recommend it at sequential crack as a non-conventional fanwork?

Robt Seda-Schreiber said...

Thanks so much! I'd be honored if you found it worthy enough to link to @ any & all sites you wish.
Now if someone could please tell Colbert to man up & have me on the show to discuss an amicable settlement, that'd be utterly delightful!